Sleepwalking
by Sparrowfeather1
Summary: Watson thought that Holmes' affection for him is like sleepwalking. It's more dangerous to wake up a dreaming sleepwalker than just letting him be, but upon reflection he wishes more than anything that he had broken that one stupid rule. Holmes/Watson Shwatsonlock! Slash!


**I finally wrote a Holmes/Watson fic! I'm so proud of myself and love this idea, I just hope it sounds as cool to you guys as it does to me.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Sherlock Holmes or John Watson, it's I did their love would so be even more blatantly cannon than it already is.**

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It's common knowledge that one is not supposed to wake a sleepwalker when he is dreaming, just let him dream and maybe follow along to make sure he doesn't get himself into trouble along the way. But what if the sleepwalker is having a nightmare and it's all your fault? Then what? Do you simply keep on doing the same thing, follow along, make sure he is safe. Do you wake him up or do you do what I did and just leave because you can't bare the thought of watching his imminent fall from grace.

Maybe I should have woken him up the first moment I realized. At the time I thought, what could be the harm in letting him dream but now I see that my actions have caused more pain and sorrow for the both of us than I ever considered possible. For, after a time, I began to sleepwalk with him. There we were, sleepwalking together, completely oblivious to the peril we put ourselves in, blind to the outside world. For us there was only our cases and dreams. Unfortunately or fortunately I have not decided but I was woken up before those dreams could become a reality. But as I began to wake and force myself into the new morning Holmes was still sleepwalking, dreaming away, oblivious to how I was soon to make his dreams a nightmare.

Yes, I should have put an end to it the moment I realized he loved me.

But instead I just let it be, thought that there was no harm in letting him fantasize, letting him hope. I thought I'd do more harm by acknowledging it aloud. It was because of my cowardice that I let him go, just like I would a sleepwalker. I followed along on his cases and as I said I became a sleepwalker too, without even realizing it I fell in love as well.

The difference is that I woke up from my sleep, I woke up and realized that these feelings we held would have to stay just what they were, a dream. Still I said nothing to him, not when I woke up and not when I began to pull away from him and towards someone else. I couldn't keep living like this, in a fantasy world of dreams and adventures. I pushed myself into reality and into Mary's arms.

And just like that I also pushed his dreams into nightmares. Yet despite everything I was still drawn into sleepwalking, into my own dreams of a different world where dreams could be reality and reality could be nothing but a distant memory. It wasn't fair to think of Mary this way, she was a good woman but she wasn't him. Though, all in all I should have realized that I had no choice in the matter because just as fate chooses the path of reality she also chooses the path that our dreams take.

I finalized my reality with a ring and a vow and Holmes comes to me with one last adventure, one last dream. I tried to say no, knowing that each moment of a dream I let myself have would just hurt him more when it was time for me to wake up again. But in the end I was given no choice, by him and by myself. I could never say no to him. And once more we began to sleepwalk together again. This time however we were both in a nightmare. With Professor Moriarty as our metaphorical Boogeyman.

Maybe if I had woken him up the first time I realized he loved me he wouldn't have sleepwalked over the edge of the balcony and into the waterfall. He did it to protect me when all I had done was give him nightmares…

I like to think that now I can move on, that I can make reality my only existence but I know that that is preposterous because now I will always be the sleepwalker, dreaming of a time before Holmes and I were complicated by love and false hope. But now I do not know whether it is the guilt that keeps me dreaming or our ill-fated love, I just know that dreams are the only place left where I can experience true happiness because in my dreams is the only place where he is still with me.

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**God, the ending of that was horrendous to write, just the last sentence or so I couldn't seem to get right to finish up the story.**

**Anyways,_ PLEASE REVIEW!_**


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